19/05/2002 v DARTFORD CC

lost

General Maximus Decimus Meridis walked to the centre of the arena to inspect the dust followed by a few of his loyal followers.

‘There’s a bit here for you Grachus’ said Proximo, ‘THERE’S A BIT HERE FOR EVERYONE’ he continued with a steely glint in his eye.

Grachus puffed on his pipe and quietly chuckled to himself. Maximus stood a little detached from the rest and slowly turned to inspect all the corners of this known world. ‘On my command’ he said in a barely audible growl, ‘Let loose hell’ And so it came to pass hell itself was unleashed.

Unfortunately it wasn’t by us. Things looked ominous when the opening pair raced to 50 off the first nine overs. Maximus and Quintas struggled to get their line and length. Juba and Grachus faired no better but a sharp chance off Juba fell just short of Grachus in the slips. Not sure how many Aussies made it to the roman gladiator schools but this one was a bit tasty and he went on to make an unbeaten hundred.

A change of ends saw a little improvement by all but by this point the batsmen were seeing the ball as big as a football and whilst protecting the boundries they were able to just get easy runs in the big outfield, which seemed that much bigger with only ten warriors in our cause. The extra man was sorely missed.

Tigris (of Gaul) came on to good effect and finally made a breakthrough getting the opener lbw.

Grachus then had a perfectly good catch turned down in one of the worst decisions since Daniel got thrown in the open-air zoo. But persistence paid off when he eventually beat the bat and Proximo whipped off the bales.

The crowd was getting restless and were demanding blood. At this point Tigris dived to his right to a hefty blow at mid off and decided to catch it with his teeth - fear not Tigris, arena wounds garner great favour with the high ladies of Rome.

After much hard graft some good crab-like fielding from Cicero. Proximo took a legside catch off Quintas but by now it could hardly be described as a breakthrough. Cassius chased one all round the ground but missed it and Juba (according to Quintas) was out of sorts in the field due to too many ancient roman chemicals. And with Falco missing another that fell short of slip it was obvious the gods weren’t pleased with us!

The final ball saw Quintas take a second wicket with Grachus taking a good catch looking into the sun.

Then followed the tale with the sword. – This wont take long. Tigris and Juba opened and with a swift 9 off the first over and things looked slightly promising. Unfortunately that was the high point. Tigris (understandably a bit off kilter) survived an early appeal only to be bowled soon after. Hagen came in looking relaxed as normal hitting a few good shots only to sky one to the keeper. Juba soon followed after a sharp delivery took his off stump for nine. Proximo and Maximus too fell foul.

Cicero was next. Falco made a typically swashbuckling four only to edge one to slip off an octogenarian spinner who rumour has it used to give Dr Snuggles pocket money.

With Grachus, Quintas and Cassius trying their damnedest to save face. The horror was soon over with nobody making double figures. It is safe to say that we have had better days. Thankfully no one lost their sense of humour and the after game drink produced much merriment.

Onwards and upwards!!! Next Week Ben Hur!